


we're a mess, but it works for me

by newct127



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 16:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30024267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newct127/pseuds/newct127
Summary: Haechan and Taeil have feelings for each other but that was never a part of the plan.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62





	we're a mess, but it works for me

**Author's Note:**

> so a month ago (!! february was a mess) i asked for some prompts on twitter and hyuckil+things you didn't say at all and hyuckil+things you said when you thought i was asleep went into the same direction for me so i put them together in a fic. voila
> 
> title from come home to me by leon because of course i get my title from a song

"Stay."

Haechan hears the word in his head, Taeil's voice sounding so clear, but it wasn't real at all. He just imagined it because he really wanted to hear it. He wanted to stay, but Taeil didn't ask. If he did, Haechan wouldn't be at home, nursing a beer on his couch. He'd be at Taeil's, drinking beer on his couch, maybe even playing a game with him and talking about nonsense.

But when he told Taeil that he'd leave, Taeil didn't say anything.

He allows himself to daydream about it for a few moments, what it would be like if he confessed and Taeil didn't reject him. He imagines it would be simple then too, like it is now between them. Comfortable and incredibly easy, even when he takes the unrequited feelings into account. There isn't anything bad he could say about being with Taeil except the obvious. He isn't with Taeil. They're not together, not like that.

Haechan realized his feelings many months ago. He was waking up in his own bed at the crack of dawn with Taeil in his arms for. That was the first time that either of them spent the night — they had a great time and it tired them both out. It was also the first time that it felt like there was more between them. He hadn't allowed himself to think about it like that before. Then a light bulb went off.

They fit together so well, and they get each other. Taeil lets him be who he is without any conditions, he's been that way since the day they met. A get-together at a bar with friends, and with friends of friends. One that Haechan could only go to because his shifts at work got switched around and he was free on a weekend for the first time in months. It was a chance meeting, faith someone would say. Like it was meant to be.

"I want to stay with you."

It could be the alcohol, but he can see himself saying it. Maybe he should've.

Haechan realizes that the entire him isn't only on Taeil, he isn't innocent either. He could've been the one to say something. He knows it's not what the agreement is and that it's a long shot. He's afraid that it'll ruin things between them when they're pretty great as they are. But the feelings are building inside him and they're ready to burst.

He has to confess. Maybe he'll try to bring up the prospect of a relationship before, just to see where Taeil stands, but in the end he'll come clean about what he feels.

He doesn't know when he'll say it, or what he'll say at all, but he knows he'll try his best. He wants to be allowed to love Taeil the way he deserves to be loved.

* * *

His friends read right through him, but Taeil says the lie nonetheless. It's comfortable, he says, I don't need more.

It is comfortable till the moment he starts to need more.

He knew from the beginning that he wasn't going to get that from Haechan. They laid out the rules before they even started doing whatever it is that they're doing. Taeil has no idea what to call it, or how it became what it is now. It surely isn't what they started off with and what they discussed.

This isn't what Haechan wanted — when he suggested them being friends with benefits, Taeil didn't expect more. And at first that's what it was. Just sex and a text exchange before it to set the time and place. Yours? Mine? Does 9 work for you?

Now there's more. There are feelings, at least for Taeil, and there are also some 'not dates' — dates that he can't say are dates cause they agreed that they wouldn't date. They go to the movies, or to some restaurant that Haechan wants to try. Sometimes they just hang out without it escalating into sex. Yours? Mine? There's this movie I want to see, would you like to come with? Should I pick up pizza for tonight? Does 9 work for you? I had a shitty day, I just want to forget and play some games with you. I'll get chicken if you don't want pizza.

The line is blurry. Incredibly so. Because of their actions and because of how Taeil's brain is wired. A romantic can't help but see the romance in the details. In how Haechan gets the toppings Taeil wants, in how he shows up when it's Taeil that has a bad day, in how he gets him flowers because he saw them and thought they were nice. Nice enough for Taeil to put them in a vase and keep them on his dining table, and too nice at the same time. Haechan does something else of the sort and the line becomes blurrier.

Taeil can't figure him out, or himself. He knows it'll hurt in the end. He should start saying no to protect himself, or reset the boundaries even. He just can't bring himself to do it. He can't end it, he doesn't want to. What he wants is the titles and the nerve-wracking responsibilities that come with being official. But he also wants what he has — Haechan and the comfort of spending time with him.

He never should've agreed.

Maybe it would be easier if he knew where Haechan stands. If he says that he doesn't want more than sex, maybe Taeil wouldn't struggle to let go so much.

But that isn't what he gets.

The line continues to disappear when Haechan shows up with takeout and a bottle of red wine, then later asks for cuddles, nothing more. They had spent the evening complaining to each other about bosses, deadlines and annoying coworkers. Neither of them is in the mood.

So they cuddle. Lying in Taeil's bed they make themselves comfortable under the duvet. Taeil always feels warm in Haechan's arms, the illusion of being loved and not just wanted is soothing. He allows himself to relax and forget about everything else, Haechan is all that matters. Being present, taking in his scent and melting into his touch is all he needs to do. Remember it now, cause it'll be gone soon.

He doesn't know how quickly, but he falls asleep in Haechan's arms. It's not unusual either, it's something they're both used to. The rule that they wouldn't spend any nights over is long forgotten — it stopped being an issue months ago. It's a silent agreement now. Like a lot of it, it's left unspoken.

Taeil only realizes that he fell asleep when Haechan shifts next to him, then pulls away. The movement wakes Taeil up, but he can't bring himself to open his eyes, it's like they're glued shut.

He expects Haechan to get up and walk away, but that's not what happens. He's still here, no longer holding him, but playing with his hair instead, soft caresses and the tingling of his breath against Taeil's skin. Taeil can feel his eyes on him, it gives him a bad feeling. Then Haechan sighs and the feeling grows stronger.

"I wish I was braver, so I could tell you this," he hears Haechan say, his words low in a whisper. Taeil does his best not to flinch or change his breathing. He wants to let Haechan speak because his tone of voice scares him. Tired, sad. Taeil's heart sinks. "But I'm scared I'm gonna ruin it. I love you so much, I can't risk losing you. I know we didn't agree to this, and I'm sorry. I just — you're so good to me. How can I not fall in love with you?" Haechan pauses to take in a deep breath, and Taeil's heart starts beating faster. He made the wrong call, he realizes. He should've opened his eyes. "Maybe I should be selfish and ask you for more, but I don't want to lose you."

Each word hits Taeil harder than the one before.

Haechan fails silent after that. He continues to caress him, his touches lingering more and more as a knot forms in Taeil's chest. He has to open his eyes and do something, say something.

He's about to do it when he feels Haechan move away. He managed to catch his hand in time.

"Stay," he says, "I want you to be selfish. I want to be selfish with you."

"Taeil?" Haechan says his name with so much meaning in it, shock washing over his face.

"I love you too," he tells him, "Stay please."

Haechan nods, and returns to bed. He puts his arms around Taeil again, he holds him closer than before.

It'll work, Taeil decides. The feelings are mutual, so it'll work.

They'll have to talk about it a bit when they get up in the morning, but for now it's comfortable and theirs. It doesn't have to be perfect. It's always comfortable with Haechan and he has a feeling that it always will be.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/newct127) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/newct127)


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